W: Unfair to who?

O: to women

W: We do that to ourselves because we are the ones who voted

O: Ok, we voted, but what about women whose husbands decide their choice of candidates?

First, let's take a look at what sexual harassment is. Before anything else, sexual harassment is an act of sex discrimination, viewing women as objects open for men to fulfill their whimsical desires. It also implies that some men think that once a woman is out of her home, she's up for grabs, and that they can violate her if they want to. Thus, sexual harassment is and insult to women, and even if it entails no physical harm, it's very hurtful for women's feelings, confidence and self-esteem, however they try to convince themselves that it shouldn't be. Of course, sexual harassment isn't only physical. It can take different forms starting from leering; making sexually explicit gestures; displaying sexually explicit objects, pictures, posters, or pinups (Visual) to derogatory comments, epithets, slurs, jokes; unwelcome sexual advances, propositions, or demands for sexual favors; unwelcome comments about an individual's body or appearance (Verbal) and finally unwanted touching, such as patting, pinching, hugging, brushing against another's body, coerced kissing or fondling, physical assault (physical).

Thus, you might be thinking now that more women than you originally thought are subject to sexual harassment at work. This is the very idea that makes many men in Oriental societies refuse firmly that their wives be part of the labor market. Understandable? Yes. Right? I hardly think so.

So, we all agree that sexual harassment is hideous, unaccepted and sometimes unbearable. But is it enough reason for a woman to give up a thriving career?

Let's set the record straight. In sexual harassment, there's an abuser and a victim. In many cases of office sexual harassment, the victim backs out and retreats in silence, while the abuser stays there to harass other women. In a perfect world, the harasser would be reported, fired or punished in any other way. So, when others saw that he got what he deserves, they would refrain from such acts and everyone continues to work happily ever after.

Now, most people find it hard to have it done this way. Although we realize that the woman here is a victim, and that her honor and dignity haven't been undermined, it remains very hard and heavy to spill the beans. But again, silence and backing out won't solve the problem, but rather make it worse; for abusers can exist anywhere, not only at work, so what would you do?

Let's try to see this in another light...

Would you stop walking in the street because of pick-pockets?

Would a store be closed down because of shop lifters?

Or, would you rather get those busted to get what they've (or haven't) seen coming?

This might seem different, but at the core of it, it's not that different. This is a crime, and that is a crime. This is an abuser as that is a felon. No one should get away with impunity, and you have the write to work just as you have the right to shop or walk in the street. And the word "right" here fits into place, bearing in mind that in Islam, a work is an obligation for men, while it's a right for women, no strings attached. So, if God gives me this right, why would I let one ill-mannered human take it away?

You do the math.

Disclaimer: Sexual harassment isn't only committed by men against women. It happens the other way around and between individuals from the same gender. However, this post addressed women because is much more likely that women would quit their jobs on that account than men would.

Before I go into further details, I should note the channels I'll mention now are all rabic channels, or supposed to be, for the definition of that word has been lost in translation. On the first channel, there was a provocative perfume commercial. On the second, there was than female singer who looked somehow familiar, but nothing like decent. On the third there was an Arabic movie with man and woman lying naked under white sheets. And on the fourth channel, there was a semi-naked woman from some Arabic movie for Adel Imam (That man has no shame or respect for his age).

I was so bugged that I left the living room and went to sit somewhere away from TV. It is embarrassing enough to watch such things with one's own father, but it wasn't the only thing that annoyed me. You see, the way women are promoted by the media a sex icons, how much more if it's the Arabic media. Whatever happened to all the accomplished Arab women? I can't deny there are good shows that acknowledge these women, but I don't think they re getting the due attention and publicity compared to flamboyant singers and hot actresses.

Let me try to put it this way, and I'm not going to hold a comparison between a humanitarian activist and a semi-porn-star, I'll make it between 2 women who basically, or seemingly, do the same thing, each in her different way.

About a month or so ago Haifa Wahby had an accident. News of her accident spread all around like wild fire and millions of people must have seen the video on Youtube or some other website. She made the news, do you know what it means when a woman who is actually a sex icon more than anything else makes the news for a simple accident? Not that she was dead or killed, but merely something went wrong on the set and she hurt herself.

Now, what if a similar thing happened, let's say to Julia Butrus. How much publicity you think it would receive? Of course many of the rising generation don't even know who Julia Butrus is. To make sure not to be slanderous, I've just asked my 11 year-old brother whether he knows who Julia Butrus is. He said he didn't know, and after a short pause he said he thinks her name was mentioned in one of his school books, which certainly is not. While I can confidently assure you he knows very well who Haifa is and what she sings and has known that for many years.

No matter how we scream for the right of women to be taken seriously, there's always that tendency to think of women from a certain angle. Sadly, this perspective is even encouraged by some of the women themselves. I believe many factors lead to this, including the most common stereotypes and misconceptions, not only bout women, but also about men. It's probably believed and even taken for granted by many people that the only interest men take in women is purely sexual. Men give love to have sex, they pretend to enjoy a conversation with a woman while their minds are consumed in their own fantasies. A man who likes the way you think would never be attracted to you if he doesn't find you physically attractive, and so on....

These misconceptions are as unfair to men as they are to women. They depict the human relations as nothing more than an unbridled animal instinct, with no regard to any other aspects that would draw people to one another. I'm not trying to undermine the importance of the physical aspect of the relation, but I'm only saying it's not the only one. In fact, I believe all the aspects intertwine and are dependent on one another. But I also believe that preferring the physical aspect in particular is what provokes the worst problems.

I wouldn't mind this much had it been a pure personal matter that doesn't go beyond the individual's mindset. Everyone is free to think what they want. But when this mentality becomes promoted by the media, and women are depicted as if their sole purpose is to seduce men, then I do have a problem.

In all fairness, I have to say it's not only the Arabic media. Worst yet, this mentality I'm referring to is universally publicized and even acknowledged. It goes without saying that the image of women in the west is being promoted in the same way, not only the western world actually, it's everywhere actually. I'm currently reading Memoirs of a Geisha, and as much as I'm enjoying the book, I feel really disgusted and ticked off at what I'm finding out. You see, what I gathered from the book is that geisha were women whose main concern in life was to please men. It's even literally mentioned in the book. For example, when she says: "Nothing in my life mattered more to me than pleasing him". "him" refers to a man she likes, who is married (which is equally insulting to his wife) and who may have relations with a number of other geisha. I really feel a huge disgust when the narrator describes how she and another geisha bowed at the feet of a man begging for his attention. And how a doctor is sexually aroused as he treats the wound on a girl's leg. As I said, I'm enjoying the book, but it also told me so many unpleasant things about women in that culture. Call it heritage, call it art, I can only think of it as humiliation.

It's time women stood for themselves and defied those stereotypes. It's time they started to show the world that their brains an be even more beautiful than their bodies. And most importantly, it's time women felt humiliated by all that typical stereotyping, and did something to change it.

 On a serious note, women have to be involved, because it seems that, in Jordan, woman considerably outnumber men… seems like my grandmother was right in her theory: “fish 3ersan” LOL!!

Notice the “ingel3i” button! How nice

I’m not here to victimize women or to draw any kind of empathy; it’s rather an attempt to spot the reasons behind this suffering.

The first thing that comes to mind when you say “suppressed women in the Arab society) is (Bingo!) Arab men. But seriously, why do they have to level all the anger at Arab men when we try to find a solution to lift the tyranny off women.

The question is not who is suppressing women, but: who gives those who suppress women (be it men or society) the chance to do that?

Answer: Women themselves.

Case in point: She married him because she wanted to get a new life, a rich man who lives abroad, what could be so risky about it? It’s true that she was engaged to him before she even saw him, but who cares!

Now she’s married, she starts to discover his dark side little by little… He drinks, he calls her names, he insults her, he treats her bad… yet, she’s dying to get pregnant and have his baby!

She gets pregnant, she gives birth, and her so-called husband tells her that she could go anywhere she wants and travel wherever she wants, but she should leave the baby with him, as if she was some kind of a brooder… Now, she gives divorce a serious thought.

I know that man can hardly be called a man, but no one forced her to marry him, she surrendered herself to him, and he’s preying on her accordingly…

Another one…

She has married him, though he was poor. Now, she doesn’t want her daughter to go through what she’d gone through before. Therefore, she wants her to marry a rich man.

Her daughter complied with her mother’s wish, and she turned down the one who was crazy about her to marry a rich man.

I can’t say that he was a bad man, but she didn’t love him, and I don’t know if he loved her or only saw her as a woman good enough to be his wife, or the mother of his children. Not mention that he’s hot-tempered and has some fatal flaws. How could a man say to a woman, who’s supposed to be his beloved wife, let alone the mother of his child:  Shut up or I will slam your jaw broken!

I don’t what her mother thinks now. She wanted her daughter to be happy, and seems like she thought money would serve the purpose… I think it was quite obvious to her that it doesn’t.

Now, if we want to cry about suppression and injustice, let’s try to be strong. Not stronger that what we can be but strong enough to choose the right thing to do and the right person to live with. Not to mention being brave enough to stand for what we want. Free your mind and don’t listen too much to what some people might say about being pragmatic, under the motto: “This is the real world”

You can’t throw a sheep among 20 wolves and then complain it got devoured…