Cinnamon Zone

So I was walking in the neighborhood today, enjoying the sun and tranquility of the place, when then stranger appeared around the corner and I was a bit intimidated... Now, why should I be intimidated? I see strangers in the hood the whole time, he didn't look like a bad guy in any way, he wore normal clothes, was carrying what appeared to be his lunch and to top it all, he wasn't even looking at me, he seemed to be drifted in his own thoughts, minding his own business. Now, I should be ashamed to say that what made me feel uneasy was that he had a dark complexion, a very dark one. He was black.

Since I felt ashamed with myself, I tried to justify this feeling by thinking: Well, maybe it's because he is a stranger not because he's black. If I saw an Albino for example, or someone extraordinarily blonde I would wonder..." Then I stopped here, I knew it wouldn't be the same, I would probably not feel threatened...

The other day I read a story by Ghassan Kanafani, called ستة نسور و طفل(A child and Six Eagles), in which the narrator is a newly appointed teacher who taught in 3 villages. In his way in the old car, there was that rock that was the subject of some folk tales. It's all about an eagle that was seen standing on the rock in spring time, and when summer comes, the eagle is no longer seen there.

Everyone in the village had their own version of "the eagle's story". Some said the eagle stood there every spring because its mother was killed there. Others say that it was a female eagle, whose "husband" dumped her, so she stood there crying in agony till it dropped dead. Others were more realistic by saying that the eagle used to stand there before the police station was built, then some policeman shot it down. The teacher himself becomes so interested in those stories that he ends up making up his own version. At last, he learns from a child that there was no eagle at all, it was just a cranberry bush, that grows in springs and withers in summer.

Now the story made me think, how real is that? So real. I think it represents the reality that we all take pleasure in denying. I think it varies from one person to another, some people are more realistic than others, but even the realistic ones might fall in this. You know when you think of something in some way, then you start asking yourself why? Then you examine possibilities, and at the end, you come to the final conclusions and it's the one that appeals to you the most. You then start having doubts, but you cling to your conclusions, eliminating all other possibilities by the slightest shadow of doubt.

After that, when things start to clear up, you see that you were mistaken, and that's were the shock comes from, especially of you hadn't prepared yourself before. Sometimes things take long to clear up, and sometimes, you might give up and go on with your life, not wanting to know whether you were wrong or right. You think maybe it's better this way, keeping it as a nice dream, not wanting to know the truth because it might be so harsh.

I think the problem is when you don't know whether you're right or not, but at the same time, you can't go on with your life, you refuse to, or you just can't.